this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
