My Higher Power is John Stamos
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
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