he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
You did what with his pubic hair?
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