I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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