I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
