We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize
