I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
