Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
