He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
