I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize