ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
