I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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