so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize