i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
