My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
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