UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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