I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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