You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize