I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
