Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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