I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
