Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
