I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
