Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
