If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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