I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
