She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
