yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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