I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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