watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
