So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
