I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
