Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize