If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
We are two peas in an std pod
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
