Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
