You really coming over, don't trick.
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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