since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Shame - the story of my life.
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