Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
