i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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