we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
