I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
