why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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