apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
