Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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