Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
You don't make any sense
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