wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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