Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
