you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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