there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
