Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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