nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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