i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
