looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
there is another microwave in the elevator.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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