I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
