Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
