if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
