My room smells like vodka and shame
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
