I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
