I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
