do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
