saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
