I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
