I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
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