i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize