I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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