apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
