I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
