Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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