It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
