dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
