he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize