It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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