The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize