Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
