we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
