yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
