Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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