I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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