Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
