U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
