VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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