i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
