no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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