I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I wish you could order shots online.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
