i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
