guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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