Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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