The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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