White coat. Heels.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
