I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
