cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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