it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
we made out on top of his cat.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
