WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize