And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
last night I used snow as a chaser
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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