There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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