There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
