Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
