What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
handjob tips. give me some.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
