The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
