yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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