I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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