i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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