don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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