Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
