wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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