After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
How many fucks given?
0.12846
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
