3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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