Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
