Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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