too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
