I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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