lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
