dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
