I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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