evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
