My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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