tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
