my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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