Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
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