Well apparently he's into motor boating.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
handjob tips. give me some.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
