I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
