I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
